The Funniest Day of My Life.

So I went to do some work at my friend's office today.

Around 5 pm...the light went off.

My laptop was fully charged , so I continued working.

 20 minutes or so later ...I packed my laptop and stepped  out of the room.

Everywhere was dark.

"They have never closed by this time" I assured myself.

I opened the door of one of the offices to say hi to Jerry, one of the staff.

Nobody was there.

Jerry was gone.

The room was as quiet as a grave yard.


I walked to the front door and tried the door.

It was locked from the outside.

I was locked inside from outside.

what?

Then it hit me.

" The office was locked and i was still inside"


How the hell did this happen?


Probably when the generator went off.

After a few seconds ...I giggle at my predicament and placed a call to Jerry.

"Jerry please I am at your office, I am locked inside, please come get me out"

After a few seconds ...I heard him say...

"why didn't you come out when the light went off"


"sorry I didn't know"...I replied back trying to sound very nice and polite.

" Give me 30 minutes ...I am on my way"

Seconds later the mobile connection went dead.


30 minutes?

Damn.

"What would I be doing for 30 minutes"I thought.


I started pacing up and down the corridor leading to the entrance door.


After a few minutes later a crazy idea popped into my head.

"What if i jumped down"

I considered it for a second.

I then opened the door to one of the offices and went to the window.

It had no burglary proof and had louvre blades.

Thank God.

'I can remove the blades and jump down" I thought...but I was on the third floor.


Bad idea.


I can do something crazy ...but not something stupid.

I walked out of the room and began pacing again.

Few minutes later ...I just dragged a white plaster chair by the side of the receptionist's seat and sat my arse down.

Pacing wasn't helping ...it only gave me more crazy ideas.


I took out my cell phone and logged into an online social chat room.

My friend Asian was online.


After a few seconds of exchange ,...i wrote...

"you won't believe me, i am locked in friend's office"

I went on to explain everything to him.

He laughed at me with a "lol" reply.


We made a joke about the whole matter.

The funniest was when he wrote...

" if no one comes for you, use the table to make firewood and hunt for rats for supper".


That made me laugh for a good 5 minutes.

Minutes later ...the front door opened and i was let out of the office.

As I moved away I smiled and said ...

"I will never forget this day"

Types Of Doctors In The World

There are 3 types of doctors in the world.

1. Witch Doctors
2.Quack Doctors

and

3. Conductors

What type of doctor are you?

Who the hell created the "Pet Rock" product

That's the question i asked myself today when i woke up.

I don't KNOW why  i did ...because it is not the first time i have heard about it.

I have read about this crazy product before. It was a serious craze many years ago.

Millions of sane people pulled out money to actually buy a rock .

A rock they called a pet.

No am not kidding.

If you are wondering if i am just making this up...click here to read about pet rock on wikipedia.

As you can see , this is very REAL.

Millions of real people bought a rock as a pets.

What the...?

My head is spinning.

Why did people spend money on a rock?

It beats me.

Were they mind controlled or what?

What value were they getting from buying it?

Was the rock vomitiing clean notes of $1000 bills?

It is really something to think about.

And yes .

Shot up...I know.

It is really none of my business what people decide to buy with their money...but i just can't help but think how the pet rock craze would have played out in Africa (Nigeria to be exact).

I can just imagine how your family and friends would react.

They will likely think you bought an idol.

Your mum would likely send a prayer request to church ...asking the pastor to pray for you.

"He is going crazy...He just bought a rock and calls it a pet"

Your dad would likely book an appointment with a shrink  for you.

Nah...not in Africa.

Your dad would probably, tie you up to the trunk of a big tree with iron chains ...and  BEAT the living shit out of you.

Till that "rock buying demon" in you , is completely exorcised.

Well, maybe he would not be that crazy.

It is possible though.

Anyway... that's this crazy world for you.

I gat to run now.

I have to go stroke my pet rock now. ;)

(Ta...Never gonna happen)

Bye.

My Dad Was A Beater Of Kids

yes...he was .

And it was not beating me and my siblings for fun.

He was disciplining us when we went astray.

Back then it felt like he went too far because he usually used his hard leather belt. 

Sometimes he would use the buckle side of the belt.

He would just order us to lie-down on the bed...while he flexed his muscle on our bear bodies.

I had lots of scars.

Scars from the different things he flogged me with.

Because of all this, we were scared of him.

Very scared.

Whenever he came back from work  around 4 p.m., and we heard the horn of his white colour 504 Peugeot , we would just scamper from the lawn in front of the house or the palour like we just saw a ghost.

This happened for a long time...till one day he noticed something.

He noticed that my neighbours kids were always running out to welcome their dad when they arrived from work. These kids would even collect the office bags from their parents and stroll happily into the house smiling ear to ear.

It was the right thing kids should do. But not in our case.

So one day, he came back from work , (I think we did not see him on time or something  ) and to his amazement , we all scampered into the house .

He was a bit shocked.

He walked briskly into the parlour , called us all out and asked .

“do I have a masquerade on my face”

We could not answer .

Who wanted to get beat up in a sweet sunny afternoon?

Not me.

Then he said.

“next time I come back home and you guys run into the house instead of coming to receive me , I will beat you guy up”

Ultimate Victory-Childhood Story About Fights

I don't know about you but when i was a kid i used to play a lot ...and i used to fight a lot with other kids.

It wasn't just me but other kids too.

I think i was a thing about supremacy or something like that.

we always wanted to know who was superior .

And when there was a fight we would talk about it for days.

Back then , it was believed ( still believed) that girls could't beat or fight boys.
In fact it was believed that guys don't fight girls ,but guys beat girls.

It's probably because of this weaker sex chauvinistic talk.

Any way, that's not what this story is about .

So lets keep all that aside.

Now when boys fought ,there was usually exchange of blows ,injuries , breaking of nose and some other things people do when they fight.

The guy who is too weak to continue the fight loses and the guy who weakens the other is usually the victor.

But the ultimate victory in any fight was when one could hold the other down and force grass and sand  into his mouth.

That was like reducing the vanquished to the level of a goat.

It never happened often.

Ones in a while it did.

But i will never forget this one till i die.

Here is exactly what happened.

There is was a big hefty guy we used to call "fufule" cos he was bigger than most of us his age mates.

Fufule was a derogatory name that meant he ate too much "fufu" a staple Nigerian meal.

So we were playing as usual (i think it was soccer) and some girls were playing by the side.

One thing led to another and before we knew it, "fufule" wanted to beat up a girl (lets call here Lizzy) .

But before we could do a damn thing , all i can remember now is that ...the girl Lizzy was sitting on top of
the boy's belly while he struggled to break free from her hold.

The next thing ,she was forcing grass and sand down his throat.

I will never forget that sight.

It's felt like the guy lost his manhood.

I don't know how it happened but it did.

That was the worse thing that could ever happen to a guy then...

And we still talk about it...even up till now.

That's why you are reading this. ;)

Who The Hell Created Lap Dance?

The other day ,i just asked myself ,...

Who The Hell Created Lap Dance?

You know why?

...because for some reason i just realized how stupid the whole idea of a lap dance is.

Think about this.

Who in his right mind thinks it is cool to go some where, pay half nude girls to dance or sit on your lap , get a hard-on and then you go back home with no one to bring down the growth in your pants.

it's just freaken crazy.

So who the hell invented this shit?

i need him to read this .

Take-offing Dog-My Funny Christmas Childhood Experience

When i was a kid ,my fiends and I used to have fun during Christmas.
A lot of fun.
I mean crazy fun.


Apart from the masquerades and new clothes my
parents bought for me ,we used to throw around fire crackers.

Crazy ass fire crackers.

In fact , we used to make stuff worse than fire crackers.

Something that could be seen as bombs.

We called it ...take-offing dogs.
i don't know how the name came about but...
It meant -.dogs that are taking off like jets.

And it all came about from the flying cans of empty
 beverages we used to create our fire crackers (bombs).

Here is what we used t do...

we would buy carbide from the market, get a crown cock
, place some water in it and drop a piece of the carbide.

As the carbide reactions with the water...we place a
 empty can ,with a little pierced hole , over it.

As the gas from the reaction fills the can, we light a match ..
.or a stick then place over the tiny hole.

BOOM.... goes the can as it explodes with a loud bang.

It used to be fun...but it was crazy.