Add "S" (Funny Story)

During a party with friends and guest,the illiterate wife of the celebrant called the maid from the main house and said...

"please bring 3 SPOON"

The husband trying not to publicly correct his wife quickly whispered to her ...

"add "s" ...

The illiterate wife in a bid to correct her mistake ,screamed to the maid, to the hearing of all present...

"add "s"...

Over The Bridge

Today have a terrible story for you.

You may hate me and the story at the end...because it is not funny.
At all.

It's a true story a friend told me.(I can't verify for sure ,but it is possibly true)

Now here we go.

Sometime in the early nineties .

A man was traveling from Benue State to Onitsha.In the middle of the night journey, armed robbers struck.

They dare devils ,5 in number, shot sporadically in the air and forced the driver to stop the 16 sitter bus.
The armed robbers stormed into the bus and asked the passengers to bring  out all their moneys and drop it on the floor.

In 30 minutes ,they carefully ransacked all the passengers and the bus ,tearing open every space and corner in the bus, taking all the money on the floor and from the passengers.

As the armed robbers were about to step out of the bus, a young lady screamed out.

"someone did not give all the money o"

Informing the robbers that someone had not obeyed their orders.

The lady pointed to another woman who had a baby with her.


One of the robbers came back into the bus,looking red in the face. He had the kind of look harden criminal have when they are about to do something very sinister .He strolled slowly towards the lady with the baby.

As the armed robber came closer ,the expression on lady's face was that of one who just got a death sentence.

When the armed robber got to the lady , he pointed the silver pistol at her and dragged the baby from her grasp.

He looked at the baby , as another member of the gang checked the baby's diaper .


Turns out the nursing mother had hidden some money in her baby's diaper.

To everyone's shock the robber made a crazy statement.

"You have not learnt to talk or walk yet and you have already started stealing money" 

He was referring to the baby.


Suddenly  ...bang...

A gun shot rang right there in the bus...

Guess what happened?


The robber shot the baby point blank right in the forehead.

He passed the lifeless body of the baby to the mother and walked like a king out of the bus with his gang behind him.

"move"


 He screamed at the driver as he pointed the scary weapon towards the bus.


The confused driver screeched the car out of the stationary position and sped towards Onitsha.


For a few seconds everyone in the bus could not believe their eyes.

The mother of the baby could not stand the pain of seeing her baby die, she fainted a few seconds after the shot was fired.


No one uttered a word as the driver drove for almost 20 minutes.

When he got to benue bridge , he stopped the bus,walked to the lady that ratted out the nursing mother .He dragged her to the door as she kicked and screamed ,fighting to remain in the bus .

He overpowered her and pushed her outside the bus. She was still screaming, shouting and protesting. Seconds later , I did not hear her screams anymore.

The driver came back in ,breathing heavily like he just won a marathon race.

He did not need a soothsayer to tell him what had  happened .

The driver had pushed her over the bridge into the icy cold ,dirty river below.


No one made anything attempt to stop the driver.It was like everyone had secretly agreed to what he did.

The driver started the bus and drove away, like nothing happened.

The end.


My question is ...was the driver right?

You are a moron

“I have to tell you something that has been bothering me”, I said to Billy.

“What exactly” he replied as he raised his head from the pillow to hear what I had to say.

“I don’t know how you will feel about this, but I just have to tell you” I replied.

“What is it “.

Billy was getting really impatient.

Come close, I don’t want your sister to hear us.

Billy’s sister was lying fast asleep on the other corner of the room.

Billy moved closer as I spoke these words softly into his ear.

“You are a moron”.

We both burst into a wild fit of laughter.

It was a stupid joke.

 A joke I am known for.

“Really?”

 Billy replied with a smile.

“This is what I think about it” he added.

And he whispered these words into my ears.

“Same to you”

Why Do People Do Stupid Things During Emergencies?

This is a serious question.

You know why?...because if I ask you right now…what would you do if your car burst into flames ,you would likely say stuff like ..

“I will get sand to quench the fire”

“I will use the fire extinguisher”

Blah , blah blah…

 But you know what?

During real emergency situation, you will likely not  act logically. .. in fact ,you could act like a crazy fool.

During emergencies , it seems like our brains just goes blank like a crashed computer .

If you have ever been in an emergency situation you will agree with me.

I can say so from my own experience.

For example ..I had an emergency situation this morning .

Around 8 a.m , I heard a scream from my next door neighbor.

As I rushed out of my apartment  toward hers …

Behold ,a small fire was raging angrily from  the power change-over that was located 1 foot from the side of her door and 8 feet from the floor.

I looked at the fire for a few seconds as other neighbors rushed out to see what the matter was. I immediately went back inside and grabbed my brown chinos trousers.

I was not planning to wear it. I was going to use it to put out the fire.

My friend ,Elijah, went back inside and got a bucket of water and was about to throw it at the electric-caused fire.

One of the neighbors screamed and reminded him that he might get shocked.

That is when I immediately , stepped out ,scooped wet sand from the ground and threw on the fire.

That hand full of sand did the job.

As we stood there looking at the charred remains of the wires and plastic power change over device ,  we laughed at our self for acting stupidly ,

…but this was no joke.

 My friend and I were about to do 2 fatal and stupid things.

But this really got me thinking ...why the hell do we act crazy in situations like this?

I think i have an idea why...but i love to hear your opinion.

How Boko Haram Have Turned Nigerian Churches To Club Houses

Have you been to a night club before?

You know, that place people go to have a drink ,get drunk and dance out their Friday nights?

 Well, I have and trust me…churches now seem like clubs .

And I am not about girls shaking their booty in the church after spending 4 hours on Friday ,shaking the same booty in the club.

I am talking about something totally different.

This little story will let you in on it.

I left for church this morning around 9:30 am … dressed in my brown shoes ,big collar shirt  well tucked into my Marks And Spencer trousers .

I got off the tricycle ,paid the fare and headed for the entrance of the church.

The first service had just dismissed so members stormed out of the building ,rushing to get the available tricycles.

As I swarm through the sea of worshipers and got to the entrance of the church, I noticed something.

A man and a lady were stationed in the entrance. There was really nothing special about them…but…

…they bold held a metal detector.

You know, that device bouncers in club carry…so no one comes in with a gun or a dangerous weapon.

That’s exactly what ,these 2 people were carrying.

As I came up the stairs ,the man leaned forward and pointed the device at me. I raised my hands up as he hovered the device around my hip pockets .

The device beeped as I dug into my pocket and brought out my 2 mobile phone and my bunch of keys.

Seconds later ,I asked.

“can I go in now”

“Yes “ ,he replied as I shook my head and entered the church.

As I sat down ,I could not help thinking about what just happened.

The treat of a bomb going off in church was the reason why stuff like this was happening.

For the past few months, Boko Boys aka Boko Haram have been perpetuating all kinds mayhem, bombing churches and killing innocent people.